The Three Freebie Faux-Pas

Inspired by my having got general pleb-ery down to a fine art, I felt this small but accommodating list will help my fellow dolly-day-dreamers when they need to act particularly appropriately.

In this case, my experience has come from one of the definite perks of tourism and lifestyle based journalism; being given freebies such as a free night in a hotel, free spa treatments, free gourmet meals, free testers, etc. What you most certainly do need to do is to be ever so grateful for it (ok, it's not a must and many journalists simply expect that, but I find that kind of manner a little arrogant and extremely undeserving), and come across as the professional who will do them justice and produce a lovely bit of writing in exchange for the would-be expensive luxuries they have provided for you.

I managed to get away with the following few things mostly unnoticed, apart from by my mother who accompanied me on this particular hotel review. These pointers are as follows:

1. Watch what you're wearing: No, I didn't have any wardrobe malfunction as such. In fact, generally I pride myself on what my wardrobe offers to the day, and I aim for it to be nothing short of exciting but appropriate. What I did do on this occasion, however, was test out whether or not I could walk in wedge heels. The shoes themselves? Beautiful. The way I exited Bodmin Parkway station to locate the hotel's guest host? Forgetting just how skinny and high the wedges were and coming THIS close to falling arse over tit just inches from the station's exit gate. I was red faced, my mum split her sides laughing, but luckily I'd been out of sight of the drop off bay. First impressions stayed in tact... luckily.

2. Watch where you're going: I'm sure we've all left the comfort of the bar to pop to the ladies and gone the wrong way. In this instance though, there I was looking to powder my nose, and instead waltzing straight into the hotel kitchen. I know it was the kitchen, because toilets do not possess cleavers.

3. Watch what you're doing: Clearly blinded by how ravenous I was by the time I'd sat down to dinner at 8pm, I reached for a delicious baked bread roll, and was about to comment on how divinely warm it was - a feature I enjoy in bread, because the butter goes all melty and nice. And this would all be fine, if it hadn't been for the fact that the warmth oozing across my fingertips was not sourced from the bread roll. I had put my hand in the tea light next to it.

Sometimes I wonder how I ever manage to speak words or get any writing down on paper to be honest...