Mum's the word.

Scary life doubts alert!

I had a very strange realisation a little while ago. I was at a gig of my little brothers - aka the musical prodigy - with my parents. As I watched him on stage playing a drum kit to death, it struck me how much he'd grown in all his eighteen years. NOT just height wise obviously, but how talented he'd become, how his wicked sense of humour has developed, his views on the world and the choices that he makes that impact his whole life.

It's something that we all have to do all of the time as part of life and we don't really think about it. Looking out for ourselves comes naturally to most people, but lots of us are lucky enough to have parents who have to deal with our problems as well as their own when it all goes tits up. Now, I speak as a person in sky high doubts that I will ever get married or bear a child. But regardless, I don't know how I would ever be able to deal with motherhood. It must be one of the scariest things around.

Both my parents are amazing. They stuck with me through thick and thin, and due to recent events I think I'd be dead without them there. While they help me, they struggle along with their own problems - money, mortgages, health, redundancies... - and still come out fighting when it's over. In comparison, I suffer enough emotional trauma by chasing the dream and moving away. While I still want to do it, it still brings a pang of guilt that I'm leaving after they do so much for me, and if this happened for me I'd miss them terribly. If I go through all these emotions just for myself, God knows how a mother must feel when her child goes off to university, or falls in with a nasty boyfriend, or even just makes a decision that isn't failsafe. I don't think that is something I could ever cope with, but I am eternally grateful that my mum and dad did.